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See discussion in written form below, but please listen to the video first.
There have been heated debates across social media via podcasts, Youtube posts and blogs about what or who a high value woman is. I think we can all pinpoint a few persons who have risen to fame or notoriety (however you want to view it) because their rhetoric about love relationships and women have been controversial. The deceased Kevin Samuels comes to mind and we all know about Pearl Davis of @JustPearlyThings, and others.
I had refrained from dealing with this topic until now because I wanted to fully understand the arguments that were being put forth and I also felt that this whole thing was a phase and that people would see that the talking points being spewed out was doing more harm than good, but alas, the discussions have taken a darker turn almost adversarial, so here I am, hopefully trying to bring some balance to this discussion about women, men and their value.
First of all women and men are valuable, point blank period. We are all created in the image of our maker (whether you choose to believe this is up to you) and we have great intrinsic value because of him. Created in the image of our Maker means to some extent in terms of intelligence and reasoning, creativity, knowledge, compassion, emotional intelligence, etc. Obviously we are not like Him but he has given us traits that are similar to Himself.
Human beings therefore are valuable even if we feel some humans may not deserve to live.
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Genesis 1:27-31
The phrase "high value woman" has grown in its usage the past couple years mainly in part by Kevin Samuels and others using the term to define how a woman should be to be eligible for what they also call a "high value man".
In their definition, these are the characteristics they say a high value woman should have:
- Loyal
- Supportive
- Young (maybe between 18 - 25 years old; optimal child bearing age)
- Attractive/Sexually appealing
- Can cook
- Quiet. docile, submissive
There may be other traits that are mentioned but let's hone in on these since to be honest, after watching several podcasts and Youtube videos on the topic, these five (5) are the ones most discussed. The problem with human standards however is that they are fleeting and never solid foundations for anything of true transcendent value. So let's look at this list shall we. Let's discuss the ones they claim are very important --the non-physical (yeah right).
- Loyal - Yes, sure a woman should be loyal, and loyalty to me connotes someone who is there for another person; does not betray the people in his/her life's trust. So a 'high value woman' should not betray her man's trust. I guess... she supports him when he needs financial help, or any other type of help or encouragement and doesn't betray his trust in any way.
- Supportive - She is there for him. She is always encouraging him towards his goals, and helps him to achieve them.
- Can cook - They always say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Maybe. I do hear men say they want a woman who can cook well. I also think it's not just about the cooking its the managing of the household overall is what men might find attractive. A nice, clean tidy space. Everything is neatly organized and in its place, etcetera. Of course men definitely want nice tasty, home cooked meals.
- Quiet, docile and submissive - The pundits who usually espouse the values of a woman of high value woman (see what I did there? 😂) also say the woman must be quiet, so not brawling or loud; the docile type that doesn't mind her man taking the lead at all times and defers all major, or even minor decision making to her man. She is submissive, she has no problem allowing her men to take the lead. I have a news flash for men about this point later down in this post so look out for it.
All of these sound really good and I can agree with some to an extent. The problem is as much as men say these qualities are what they want, They don't!
The Conundrum.
There are women out there who will cook, clean and do laundry; will cater to their men and will consistently be supportive of their man's dream and goals, and will turn down sexual advances from other men, but yet still some of these men with these "loyal" women still go out and cheat. Some sneak and do it, while others are bold enough to say they are 'the man of the house' and they should do what they please.
But sir you said you wanted a loyal woman who can "hold you down" and make you feel secure and like a real man?
The irony is the type of women they cheat with. Usually younger women who may, yes, be boisterous, or if not boisterous only have the physical as an advantage. We see it so many times. There is no way any man can say what I'm saying here is a lie!
As I said above, human standards are fleeting and shift quite often. We say this but really mean that... some men say they want a loyal, submissive girlfriend or wife, but what they really mean is they want someone to tolerate their bad behavior. A man may say he wants a submissive quiet wife but what he means is, he wants a younger girl, who isn't so sure of herself yet, someone he may be able to mold into what his preference is.
The conundrum is, no one comes into the relationship as a blank sheet, and though we all are willing to compromise to gain the benefits of a loving, caring relationship, we all have our points of view about life, ourselves and what a relationship should look like. A girl may be quiet but not docile. If she let's you get a way with bad behaviour (cheating, abuse, etc), it's because she has some trauma she may need to deal with: she may be struggling with loss or pain; she was exposed to situations that were dysfunctional while growing up. A woman who was raised in a fairly balanced home environment will not be comfortable in an abusive relationship -- of any kind. Yes, habitually cheating on your spouse is abusive behaviour, because you never think of how it affects your partner.
It was never God's plan for men and women to view each other as just commodities to be used. A while ago I wrote an article titled 'Christian Dating: Here's why Christian dating rules are not outdated. A follow-up blog' where I discussed the purpose for which Eve was created and how she complemented Adam.
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
